&& now?

&& now do you feel as if you’ve won?
My chest is heaving, weighed down by a ton
of worthless emotions who are set out to kill
any chance of me respecting or caring for you still.

It feels like a charade, your twisted little game;
seeing how much you can affect me
to test my threshold of pain. 

&& worse than the nights I spend sobbing alone
worse than the nights I cant stand anymore.
I cant stand this.
I cant stand you.
I cant stand the words, the slurs, the lashing, my inability to
put all this behind me and release all this hate.
Because as soon as I clear it away, you take another shit on my plate.